Filling Your Cup: Tips for Mental & Spiritual Self-Care
Too many women today know what it’s like to feel totally depleted—overcommitted, overworked, and overstressed. In our 24/7 modern world, it’s more important than ever to take a step back and recharge ourselves. And that starts with asking ourselves: What sustains me? What rejuvenates me? What practices contribute to, rather than detract from, my mental, emotional, and physical health?
If you’ve read my book The Relentless Courage of a Scared Child: How Persistence, Grit, and Faith Created a Reluctant Healer, you know that my upbringing was far from peaceful. In fact, my chaotic background led me to a lot of health issues, from depression to thyroid cancer. Fortunately, I was able to take control of my own life and well-being, but only because I made the decision to start restoring myself, one healthy choice at a time.
I want to share with you, after decades of my own journey to healthier living, some of the methods I use to take care of myself—the most important ways I fill my cup every day. Then I’ll offer some ideas for how you can develop more nourishment in your own life.
What Fills My Cup: 4 Must-Haves for Better Health
- Faith
In 2018, a nationwide study¹ determined that people who had a religious affiliation lived an average of 4 more years than those who didn’t. Researchers theorized that several aspects of religion might influence this outcome. For example, religion may promote healthier lifestyle choices (such as not drinking alcohol) and more social activity (through church services or volunteering). Then there are religious-affiliated stress-reducers, like gratitude, prayer, and meditation—all of which I personally find a lot of comfort in.
I was excited by this study’s findings, but I wasn’t surprised. It’s so important to have meaning and purpose in your life—which many people find through religion and related activities, such as helping others. Prayer and meditation actually create positive changes in your brain, helping you release trauma and reduce stress. And believing in something bigger than ourselves allows us to see the world in a more expansive, fulfilling way.
- Fitness
I’m so thankful that fitness is a cornerstone of my life. It’s honed my dedication and discipline—whether learning kenpo karate or starting my day with weight training at home. But movement is a must for my physical and mental health, too. Yes, exercise makes us look younger, healthier, and more toned, but it also triggers feel-good endorphins, reduces stress, boosts energy and metabolism, and helps keep depression and anxiety at bay.
That’s in addition to longevity-promoting effects like lower blood pressure and cholesterol, and reduced risk for heart attacks, diabetes, and cancer. I could go on listing even more benefits, but what more evidence do you need? Get moving and experience them for yourself!
- Meditation
Want to create more joy and less stress in your life? Try meditation. A study at Amen Clinics showed that the act of meditation increases blood flow to the frontal lobes of the brain—an area that influences impulse control, forethought, and judgment. It also calms the emotional centers of the brain, which helps with emotional regulation.
Numerous studies have found that meditation can have many positive effects, including:
- Calming anxiety or panic
- Enhancing brain function
- Increasing self-esteem
- Lowering stress levels
- Reducing stress on the cardiovascular system
Even if you start with 5-10 minutes a day, you’ll notice a difference.
- Family
I remember how much my life changed when I had my daughter, Chloe. In the days after her birth, I experienced a euphoria like no other as an indescribable bonding took place between us. Then all my maternal instincts kicked in, and I went on high alert for anything that might endanger her. This makes total sense when you know about the amazing effects of oxytocin, otherwise known as the “cuddle hormone.” It kicks in when we hug a loved one, give birth, or make love—and it’s powerful stuff.
Even though Chloe is all grown up now, I still cherish our time together. And, in a world where isolation and loneliness are epidemics, family ties are more important than ever. I make sure to prioritize them with frequent bonding time, check-ins, group activities, and open communication—whether it’s with Chloe, my husband Daniel, or anyone else in our immediate and extended clan.
4 Tips to Filling Your Cup Mentally & Spiritually
- Find Your Purpose
When you have a purpose in life, you have something that drives you. You make healthier choices, live longer, and enjoy better mental and physical health. But without a purpose in life, you may be prone to depression or loneliness—which can actually shorten your lifespan. To find your purpose, ask yourself just 3 simple questions:
- What am I willing to suffer for?
- What am I most passionate about?
- How do I make the world a better place—or how would I like to?
These questions will help you determine what’s most important to you, regardless of others’ opinions. When you know your values, skills, interests, and strengths, you’ll be on your way to setting and achieving goals, which keeps you motivated and fulfilled.
- Enjoy Quiet Time
We all know what it’s like to be stuck in “go” mode all day long. As a busy wife, mother, and businesswoman, I know firsthand how easy it is to get carried away with our to-do lists and take little or no time for ourselves. But don’t fall into this trap—it’s a recipe for burnout, stress, exhaustion, and poor health. Instead, try one or more of these practices to carve out some quiet time in your day:
- Meditation
- Solitude
- Mind wandering/daydreaming
- Journaling
- Prayer
- Taking breaks between tasks (try a solo walk outside or 10 minutes in nature)
- Mindfulness
- A creative, relaxing hobby, like knitting
- Stick to the Basics
Without taking care of your body’s basic needs, you won’t function at your best—which can trigger all kinds of mental and physical health issues. Here are a few ideas for making sure you’re setting yourself up for success rather than depleting yourself:
- Start your day with a workout and a nutritious breakfast with protein, healthy fats, veggies, and fruit. Setting this solid foundation first thing in the morning helps you make healthier choices all day long.
- Practice good sleep hygiene: going to bed and waking up at the same time every day, taking sleep-enhancing supplements if needed, and creating the right conditions for sound sleep in your bedroom.
- Commit to stress-reduction practices. It’s best if you have multiple ways to unwind so you can choose what you need in the moment. Try journaling, meditation, yoga or tai chi, chanting, a hot bath or tea, or listening to relaxing music.
- Bond with Loved Ones
Since I mentioned oxytocin above, it’s important that I add bonding time to this list. Researchers have learned a lot about how much relationships affect our lives—and can even impact our longevity. A study² at Harvard that tracked participants over almost 80 years found that close relationships, rather than money or success, were the #1 predictor of a happy, healthy, and long life. The study concluded that close ties “protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.”
When you create and nurture strong, healthy relationships, you’ll find that you’re happier and more resilient. You’ll promote brain health and help stave off conditions like Alzheimer’s. And you’ll make sure that your cup stays full. Because even if your levels get a little low from time to time, you can rely on the people around you to help replenish them.
References:
¹ Ohio State University. “One thing you’ll find in the obits of many long-living people.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 13 June 2018. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/06/180613163017.htm>.
² https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/
